I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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