and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
