to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're a waste of cheezeits
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
