she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
