Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
