So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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