My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
