I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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