After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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