there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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