eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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