i already hear my dad disowning me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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