Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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