How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
