were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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