gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
