Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
