I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
