when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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