You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
