i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
