I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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