we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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