i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
