i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
