There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
