they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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