No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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