His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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