i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
