You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
