I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
