Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
