We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
