At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
