there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
