somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
