I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
