then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
