my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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