i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
