My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
