Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
