It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
