I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
