found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
