My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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