bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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