discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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