Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i will never coherently bang her
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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