Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
