you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
